Where do you feel you are in your own story?

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Final Father's Day...?

I've been very in touch with my emotions, lately.

I've felt deep sadness and longing and hope these past few days.

What brought it on?  A combination of my fast-approaching, life-altering move to Kiev, and my dad's unexplained bronchial attacks.  There have been frequent instances in the past 3 weeks where he has woken up in the middle of the night, unable to draw breath.  It scares me to hear him describe how close he has come to dying.

Even now, the attacks continue.  I have never been more aware that, at any moment, I could lose my daddy.

I have tried reading that sentence without tearing up.  I cannot...

Yesterday, Father's Day, was probably the most special time I could have had with my Dad.  It wasn't what we did, or what we said to each other.  It was just being with him.  Hugging him.  Kissing his cheek.  Embracing him as tightly as I could for as long as I could, letting the tears express what words would inevitably fail to.

I love you, Dad.  (My eyes refuse to stay dry writing this blog.)  I love you...

Thank you for everything you've done for me.  Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for making me play softball instead of wasting my youth inside my room, alone.  Thank you for getting me my first job at 16, which led me to meeting Christians and beginning my search for a relationship with God, and which began the work of building the character I would need to face the pressures of life on my own.  You never enabled me.  You have provided if I was ever truly in need, but wouldn't rescue me from the pain that would lead to true growth. 

Thank you for seeing my infinite potential--I wouldn't have done as much as I have if not for your unbelievable vision for me.  Thank you for sharing your passion and wisdom and love for God.

I'm going to miss you, Dad. 

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